URGHHHH - I am in such a bad mood right now! (That I am reading this and writing it really like a teenager... sorry for that, I had to VENT and with my last name being Vento, you would think I would be used to this...) My bad mood, though, it has to go away - I have to come to grips with the things that are bothering me.
1- No one picks up after themselves -- this is getting ridiculous. I have 4 other people and a puppy in this house and not one of them picks up a dang thing. Yeah, that's right, I am calling out my puppy. Just because he is so cute does not mean he is exempt!
2-No one cleans. This is just something that makes me crazy - everyone has eyes and can see the kitchen is a mess, the bathrooms need scrubbing, the groceries need to be put away and organized but yet, I am the only one who does it. My husband knows I want a clean house for my birthday tomorrow but I guess it is coming after I clean it -- URGH!!
3-My oncologist does not agree with my supplements. This is a big one and probably the trigger as to why 1 and 2 bother me so damn much today. I met with Sloan's integrative medical doctor months ago and was kind of left wanting more. The appointment was fairly brief, I was given 4 supplements to take that I think everyone who meets with him is given and I was told to lose my belly fat.
I lost my belly fat and then some and now I wanted to explore other ways in which I can keep my body as inhospitable to cancer cells as possible. No matter what, even though I did my surgery, chemo and radiation, this does not mean I am "cured". It does not mean that I will never get sick again or God forbid die before my time due to the word "cancer".
I believe in doing anything and everything I can to avoid this happening to me to my family and just in general because I am not done skootching the shit out of everyone in my life yet. I sent over the list of vitamins and supplements the nutritionist and I decided on - and read, he and I decided on them. I had done my research and knew something and he knew a whole lot more than me. Before setting me up with said vitamins and supplements, he met with me for an hour and a half, sent me for very specific blood work and then after the results were in (3 weeks later), we met again for an hour and reviewed where my blood is "lacking" and what this means on a genetic, cellular and cancer-hating level.
My oncologist's office called today to say that she does not approve of me taking these supplements except for the few prescribed by the integrative medical doctor at Sloan integrative-medicine-clinical-trials.html. I would never criticize Sloan - I love them and think they saved my life. However, they are known to be traditional and not as forward facing as maybe other hospitals.
I hate to feel as though I am gambling with my future, my health but really that is what life is - life is a gamble. One never knows what will happen in the future. I was not given things that are "radical" or "unproven"; I was given supplements like Vitamin D, Magnesium, Vitamin C and some other items which I will write more about later when my brain calms down.
All I want for my birthday (tomorrow) is a clean house and some further conviction in what I want to do to treat my WHOLE BODY not just the breast that got me into this mess and is now gone. How can I keep my whole body as inhospitable to cancer cells as possible both through modern, western medicine, nutrition, supplements, what I eat, how I manage stress and all that all the while knowing that everything can be futile that there is still that unexplained 1/3 of early stagers who wind up with stage IV cancer.
It is a continuum both health and life. We make choices and we have no idea what the end result will be and I felt the same uncertainty and worry when I decided to sign up for the clinical trial through my hospital and yet when I found out I got the pill and not the study arm without medication, I was at peace lets-get-clinical-clinical.html.
Right now, I am looking for peace - the ability to be at one with my decisions. That these supplements and vitamins that I am supposed to take for only 3 more weeks (total of 4 weeks; one is done already) will not harm me and will instead help me.
I also hope for a clean house tomorrow, to shake my cold, to experience joy and gratitude right now and tomorrow for the passing of a year that was one hell of a freaking year and to all good things ahead.
Deep breathes and all that -this is what I do in the time between.
Do you take additional supplements in addition to your oncologist "approved" medication? You can check out my About Me page to see what else I am on... About Me.
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